Adult ADHD and Depression - In Which I'm Interviewed & Make Goofy Faces When I Think No One's Looking

There won't be an article today. I put my all into the interview with HealthyPlace TV, which I'll embed below.

The glitches were annoying, but humorous. I would wait for my video feed to be active and it would be black, leading me to believe there was a problem. And then there'd be this big window with a red X in it warning me of impending doom. All the while, my video was being recorded and sent out into the ether. Good thing I didn't do anything embarrassing during those moments.

As for the content, aside from my interstellar performance and funny faces, the commentary by the hosts was insightful, especially Dr. Croft's. Both men discussed ADHD & Depression in a clear way that I highly recommend you take time to listen to. I have not very often bumped into people that get me and what I've been dealing with all my life. Most especially, I have not often bumped into doctors that not only have heard of Desoxyn, but of what it can do to a rare few.

I don't want to be pitied. I just want to be understood. Both hosts did that and more for myself, and all others who struggle with these issues. I'm really glad I did this interview. I hope you enjoy it. I look forward to your comments.

Watch live streaming video from healthyplace at livestream.com

Preparing for an Interview on HealthyPlace TV

I was contacted last week by the good folks over at HealthyPlace TV. Apparently, they had read my blog and felt I was perfect for a public drubbing, live and on internet TV no less. I told them that I was allergic to raw tomatoes, but they assured me they only used bricks, so I said that would be fine.

The request looked something like this:

Our show, Tuesday night, December 15, focuses on the emotional and psychological aspects of having ADHD and Depression. I'm writing to ask if you would be a guest on the show. We are looking for someone to share their personal story so that others may learn from it and know they are not alone in their own experiences.

Can't you just see the malice rising from the text like evil tendrils of smokey…no. I can't see it either. In fact, I almost didn't believe my eyes. Somebody out there recognized that living with AD/HD & Depression wasn't a figment of my whiney imagination or a walk in a marshmallow park?

After some tentative emails my fears were allayed and I jumped on board with enthusiasm. Then I panicked for a little bit. Live? Me live? Oh, this was going to be a disaster. I don't do anything live. I like to prepare, edit, sleep on it, bury it in my backyard, dig it up weeks later, then mull it over.

Frankly, I was petrified. Still am. So obviously I'm going to force myself to do it. Embrace change. Ignore fear. Maybe even grow.

Heck, it might even be entertaining. You can all tune in for the car wreck. I'll make my hair especially spikey for the occasion.

Today I logged into their site and did a trial test. Everything was peachy. I'm all set for tomorrow. The show airs 8:30 PM EST/6:30 PM MST. Maybe you can log in and send me distracting comments during the show. A brief synopsis is available here, and I hope you enjoy the audio promo I did for them.

Please leave comments of encouragement. I'm going to need them.

Monday Muse - An Abyssinian Cat Catches My Eye

Blue in hawthorne by polandeze.

As much work as they were, I really missed these writing exercises. At first I didn't think they fit on the blog, but lately I've been getting extremely bored writing about my problems. How many different ways can I write "I'm a failure/I'm not really a failure"? I'd rather do something more constructive.

When I was researching my Secret Cat Project a few weeks ago, I came across this lovely Abyssinian silver. Immediately, I asked myself, "What's this cat looking at?"


Keep your reply short (advice meant for me) and have some fun with it. I'll start:

Mrs. Sibbins' cat sat in our tree and continued to stare down at us. Katy was blowing out candles and everyone was cheering, but I couldn't keep my eye off that cat.

It was so beautiful with its tall ears and long, flyaway whiskers—almost like antenna. And such golden eyes. I usually loved looking it. Why was it making me feel nervous today?

I watched it lick its lips.

Katy was opening a present from Sarah now. I clapped along with the other girls. She was so lucky. Sarah gave her a lipstick kit. Then I looked back at the tree. The cat was still watching us. It was a little further down the tree.

I turned to my friend next to me. "Jenny, has anyone seen Mrs. Sibbins lately? I haven't seen her outside in forever."

"My mom and Mrs. Myer were just talking about that yesterday. No one has seen her in weeks." Jenny drank some punch and turned back to look at Katy. She was opening a present from Jill now.

"I wonder who is feeding it?" I asked, but Jenny wasn't paying attention. Jill had given Katy a gift certificate to Hair Palace. Katy squealed and hopped in her seat. She looked funny, but I was a little jealous. I love that place.

The cat was licking its lips again; it looked hungry. I think it was closer to the ground, but I wasn't sure. I hadn't seen it move.

Katy's mom ran inside to get the ice cream while Katy opened my gift last. My mom had picked up a movie card with enough money on it for a popcorn. I hoped Katy liked it.

Katy did. She didn't squeal or hop up and down, but she smiled and thanked me.

"Oh, I've got to go!" Jenny suddenly said. "I've got to see my orthodontist." Everybody said their goodbyes to Jenny as she hurried past the tree into the woods. She lived on the street beyond. As I waved to her the smile on my face froze. Mrs. Sibbins' cat was following Jenny into the woods. I suddenly got all nervous again.

And the winner is…

Dustin's name was selected as our latest winner. Congratulations. Now you get puppies and a book. Click on the Contact Info link at the bottom of the page and send me your address after you've looked over the meager selection (I hope Santa brings me more books to give away). Click on the photo for a higher res version. You have a week to claim your prize.

I'll try to get your book out to you before Christmas.

Splintered Feeds

Over the years I have found many readers either start following me for my posts on Depression, or they start following me for my posts on AD/HD. If I go through a period of covering one subject more than the other, I lose new readers. Now that I'm exploring writing as a new subject, I imagine this problem will grow worse. It's time to organize my blog in a way that will benefit my various readers. It's not their fault my mind goes in several directions at once.

Since I'm working on a new blog design for my 5th year anniversary on January 5th, I've been rethinking what belongs here and what doesn't. I've got some changes in mind for my blog, and maybe an end in mind as well.

First, though, I want to offer my three major writing subjects up at the top. Each link will load only articles relevant to that subject. Even better, I figured out the unique RSS feed for each subject. Now my readers can follow just one particular subject if they choose. The RSS icon to the left of each label will open the appropriate feed.

If all of that sounds too technical for you, ignore it. This page will stay the same as I continue to cover everything under the sun and within the shadow of the mountain.

AD/HD:	Feed • Blog
Depression:	Feed • Blog
Writing:	Feed • Blog

Struggling with Winter Depression?

Every year, Daylight Savings Time comes and ushers in a world of hurt for many people as they collectively deal with an hour less of precious sunlight. Our agrarian society is now a metropolitan one of artificial lights and deep indoors. The lack of sunlight at the end of the day strikes a hearty blow to those who suffer from Winter Depression, aka Seasonal Affective Disorder.

The Winter months see the shortest days of the year starting in the end of September until the Winter Equinox in December. If you find yourself more depressed in the Fall than at any other time of year, this may be the reason why.

I explore my own experiences with Winter Depression below. Perhaps there’s something I’ve discovered about myself that might be relevant to you as well:

Daylight Savings Time - My New Sworn Enemy - November ’08

I Wondered What Was Happening - November ’08

Less sun, more depression for people with SAD - (CNN) Dec. ’08

Putting a Spotlight on Seasonal Affective Disorder - November ’09

Lights Out on Winter Depression (SAD) - December ’09

 

Lights Out on Winter Depression (SAD)

Two weeks ago one of my "full spectrum" bulbs went out in my kitchen. I immediately noticed a hit in my ability to push back Winter Depression over the next few days. Fortunately, I soon started turning my sleep schedule around to take advantage of daylight hours. Then when one of my readers asked me which types of bulbs to buy, I saw an opportunity.

Why just buy a replacement when I could stand in the middle of Target and take pictures of light bulbs for my blog while weirding out the Christmas shoppers?

So, with burnt CFL in pocket, I headed off to Target.

The first thing I noticed was that there were considerably more CFLs for sale than last year. In fact, there was a veritable CFL sea. I could see why a reader might find my descriptions of the light bulbs vague and confusing. Several thousand lightbulbs met my eye, maybe even millions, all only slightly different from each other. Clearly the lightbulb manufacturers of the world were sadists who were targeting those poor shlubs who suffered from decision anxiety.

As if that weren't bad enough, I located my lightbulb and discovered it was indeed listed as a "daylight" bulb, but it wasn't a full spectrum lightbulb. In fact, as far as I could see there were no full spectrum CFLs. That meant I'd been sending my readers out looking for cryptid lightbulbs.

It seems that true full spectrum light bulbs are rated at 5500 Kelvin with a high color index of 96 out of 100, which is considered noon day light. My bulbs are at 6500 Kelvin and give off a cool toned light very much like early morning light. Their color index is 82. Are you lost yet? I know I was. All these numbers can be bewildering.

First of all, color temperature in Kelvin is the measurement of what hue a light casts. The lower the Kelvin, the warmer the light is; the higher the Kelvin, the whiter and more pure the light is. Secondly, the color index indicates on a scale of 0 to 100 how true the light represents color, with 100 being the best and 20 being the lighting your hair stylist uses that colors your face ghastly yellow-green.

To further complicate matters, I did find full spectrum bulbs, but their stats were so different from the CFLs that I might as well have been comparing anchovies to oranges.

I decided to go with the GE daylight bulb since that model had been working for me. However, this means that I have to reconsider what I've written about full spectrum lightbulbs previously. After Christmas, I will be experimenting with true full spectrum lightbulbs. I'm curious to see what difference they might make.

The question for now is did my daylight CFLs work, or was I taking an electronic placebo every time I flipped the switch? Considering that placebos can lose efficacy over a matter of weeks, I consider my year spent with daylight bright CFLs a good test. I can report that they have made a difference in the quality of my life. With them, Seasonal Affective Disorder (Winter Depressino) has been kept at bay. These lightbulbs are an inexpensive solution compared to other light therapy techniques and can be found at most supermarkets. The old adage may be true. You do get what you pay for, but I still recommend giving them a chance.

Eyelids Opened Wide

Family drama from the other night knocked my fresh, new sleep schedule out of bed and onto the floor. Here I am two mornings later at 6:08am, tired but unable to let go. Awake, but too tired to do anything productive. There's no way I'm going to make it to church this morning.

Since my daughter gave us an appendicitis scare last night at Primary Children's hospital, I will need to stay home and miss church anyway so that I can be on hand if she needs me. She'll likely sleep the morning away, but it would be more of a noble sacrifice if I was actually awake during those hours instead of sucking air through a CPAP.

Fortunately, I can finally feel the weight of "Nature's soft nurse" on my eyelids, but 6am is such a ghastly hour to fall asleep. The sun, that evil ball of "You think I'll let you sleep past 10?", will be rising soon.

I remain convinced, however, that mastering my AD/HD will require mastering my sleep schedule. With greater sleep I'll have greater stores of energy, mental & physical, to rein in the wilder aspects of AD/HD in my life. In fact, a good night's sleep is paramount to preserving positive mental heath for many conditions. So this morning the battle was won by Insomnia, but the war is not yet over. I'll do better tonight.

Free Book What?

Free Book Friday. It seemed like such a simple idea.

After a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday (and after very successful comment system beta test. Thanks, guys!), I completely forgot to select a winner, post about it, mail off the previous winner's book, and blog. I blame the turkey. I've had far too much of it and I've had to get a wheelbarrow to haul my belly around. This makes getting out of my bedroom, down the stairs, and through the hallway into the kitchen to write very difficult. The doors & hallways are simply not wide enough. For the wheelbarrow, of course.

My big problem with the contest was that no one initially participated. I wrote:

All you have to do to get your hands on one of them is read my story sample and leave a comment no shorter than three words either here or at that entry. I'll pick one winner at random and announce the name next Tuesday. You have until one week from that day to claim your prize.

Just three words. It's easy.

Not a single person replied.

Good thing I'm not trying to build up my self-esteem over here…

I was surprised that not even ambiguous comments with double meanings were posted. Comments like:

"Totally sick, dude."
or
"Interesting word usage."

My wife didn't even reply with "Douglas, please stop."

At any rate, I opened the contest up to people who helped me test the comments system. Over two dozen people helped out, and Soozcat is the lucky winner. Congratulations! Pick from one of the above books and let me know via email which one you want. The invisible one is The Velveteen Rabbit. The fat one is something I will not likely ever read.

On a completely different matter, I had an iPhoto/Flickr sync catastrophe occur last Sunday. I upgraded iPhoto whereupon it came down with an awful annoying instance of amnesia. iPhoto completely forgot my sync settings and downloaded the photos again, creating duplicates, which I deleted, which removed the originals from Flickr, which caused me to rip my hair out and curse the Apple gods. If you find any broken graphics links, please let me know. I'm trying to fix them as I find them.

As for yesterday's contest, I've half a mind to keep my books to myself, but with only half a mind I'm not likely to know what to do with them. Therefore Free Book Friday will start a day late.

Answer the following question in one word or less:

Q: What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Answer the following question with as many words as you'd like:

Q: What do you want from me for Christmas?

I'll start:

1) Fish
2) This:


Look at that nib. So stupid. I simply must have it.

I'm looking forward to your answers. Have a great weekend.

Where Have I Been? Living! But in a Half-life Zombie State

There's been a lot of drama in my life lately like a storm front moving over my life. I haven't chronicled even a tenth of it here. Some of it is very personal; some of it very boring.

What I can tell you is that aside from dealing with AD/HD and Chronic Motor Tic Disorder, organizing the holidays, carting kids around, and working on my children's book, my biggest project recently has been turning my sleep schedule around. Insomnia is a problem for me, but I've been making progress. I can happily say that it's 3:30am and I'm feeling tired, which is regrettably an unusual situation for me. However, I'll take progress where I can.

Incidentally, I must now retire to bed in order to continue turning my schedule around. In the meantime, take a look at this photo and decide for yourself if you want the storm to come in or to move out of your life.

I decided I wanted the storm to move out, so I took action to make it happen. I started with my sleep schedule. Better rest means a better mind. Since I have such a meager piece of gray matter bouncing around in my head, I figured I'd take any improvements I could get. One of the things I was able to work out was that sleep during the night instead of the day will give me the sunlight exposure I need to combat Winter Depression. Aren't I a genius? Better sleep will also give me greater mental acuity to control my AD/HD. In addition, I won't be as fatigued, so I'll likely not tic as much.

But first I must sleep.

How about you? Does insomnia get in the way or your goals?

(By the way, I want to thank everyone for their help with the new comments system. I will announce the Free Book Friday winner from several weeks ago later today. Maybe even get on track again, provided I can remember.)